Learning what doesn't work. Maybe what does work will come next?

Because of some previous problems with tachycardia and irregular ECG readings, I have to wait for an ECG and some more tests before I can be prescribed medication for the ADHD.  So, having read that lots of people with ADHD self-medicate with caffeine, I thought I'd give that a go!

A cup of coffee in the morning does very little to get me kick started so I thought I'd try red bull.  I assumed it would have a little more caffeine than an instant coffee.  I felt really good and was able to do some tidying up, but I still needed help with deciding what to do first, and when it wore off, I felt cranky and had a headache.

The same thing happened today - in that I was cranky and had a headache, but didn't feel any effects other than that.  Except that I also have heartburn.  I assume the first day was just a placebo effect - I was excited to try something fairly new (in that I was deliberately trying to self medicate with caffeine and I've never had red bull before.)

Having a placebo effect, if that's what it was, was encouraging at first.  Maybe it meant that if I can trick myself into thinking I can do it, I'll do better.  But the energy I felt isn't a new thing.  It happens whenever I'm hitting a deadline.  And I still didn't find it easy to work out how to do it, as I realised afterwards.  I still had to have the steps broken down for me.

So maybe, for now, I should be providing myself with convincing deadlines.  Maybe that will give me the push I need to focus and achieve what I want to do.  But I don't know how to do that either as I will know it's not a real deadline and it won't give me that adrenaline rush/panic that enables me to concentrate.

This you tube video explains how that works for me.  I hope the link works.

I realise now that the anxiety was serving a purpose.  It was keeping me functioning (almost) normally.  Without the 'must try harder' anxiety I've carried most of my life, I'm actually even more clumsy, scatty and forgetful.  I never would have believed that was possible.  I've walked in front of 2 cars now and pulled out of a junction without seeing an oncoming car.  I never make mistakes like that when I'm driving and I haven't had trouble crossing roads since my early 20s (when I was hit by a car.)

So, I'm trying to work out whether to let the anxiety sneak back in as I might be safer in the short term, or whether to get myself some sort of watch that buzzes every 5 minutes so I can remind myself to check whether I'm really' there' when I'm doing something!

Then again, what are the chances of me remembering to put it on?  And how long till I lose it or break it?  :)