Because of some previous problems with tachycardia and irregular ECG readings, I have to wait for an ECG and some more tests before I can be prescribed medication for the ADHD. So, having read that lots of people with ADHD self-medicate with caffeine, I thought I'd give that a go!
A cup of coffee in the morning does very little to get me kick started so I thought I'd try red bull. I assumed it would have a little more caffeine than an instant coffee. I felt really good and was able to do some tidying up, but I still needed help with deciding what to do first, and when it wore off, I felt cranky and had a headache.
The same thing happened today - in that I was cranky and had a headache, but didn't feel any effects other than that. Except that I also have heartburn. I assume the first day was just a placebo effect - I was excited to try something fairly new (in that I was deliberately trying to self medicate with caffeine and I've never had red bull before.)
Having a placebo effect, if that's what it was, was encouraging at first. Maybe it meant that if I can trick myself into thinking I can do it, I'll do better. But the energy I felt isn't a new thing. It happens whenever I'm hitting a deadline. And I still didn't find it easy to work out how to do it, as I realised afterwards. I still had to have the steps broken down for me.
So maybe, for now, I should be providing myself with convincing deadlines. Maybe that will give me the push I need to focus and achieve what I want to do. But I don't know how to do that either as I will know it's not a real deadline and it won't give me that adrenaline rush/panic that enables me to concentrate.
This you tube video explains how that works for me. I hope the link works.
I realise now that the anxiety was serving a purpose. It was keeping me functioning (almost) normally. Without the 'must try harder' anxiety I've carried most of my life, I'm actually even more clumsy, scatty and forgetful. I never would have believed that was possible. I've walked in front of 2 cars now and pulled out of a junction without seeing an oncoming car. I never make mistakes like that when I'm driving and I haven't had trouble crossing roads since my early 20s (when I was hit by a car.)
So, I'm trying to work out whether to let the anxiety sneak back in as I might be safer in the short term, or whether to get myself some sort of watch that buzzes every 5 minutes so I can remind myself to check whether I'm really' there' when I'm doing something!
Then again, what are the chances of me remembering to put it on? And how long till I lose it or break it? :)
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